And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
