Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
