wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
