On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
