i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
