Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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