I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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