I need to stop coming to work sober
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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