I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
