I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
