I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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