Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize