Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
