So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
