People in love make me want to vomit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
