yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
