u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
