She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
