If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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