the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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