who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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