i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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