Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
