is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
