quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
