So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
