My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
