I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
