I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Enjoy the penises
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
