I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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