I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
