Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
