he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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