I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
