I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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