my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
