Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i've created a new STD.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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