Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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