I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
