Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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