with your own penis?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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