Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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