Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
50% drunk capacity currently
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
