Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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