WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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