I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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