I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
