I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
