Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the liver wants what the liver wants
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
