I'm going to rape someone's good day.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
