I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
