I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
