I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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