I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Reggie can tackle my bush.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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