pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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