My liver just broke up with me...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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