dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize