Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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