My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Houston, we have a squirter
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
