The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
