Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
