I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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