So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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