i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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