You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
