Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
