Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
