Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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