Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i out mim tonsoeep
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