i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
