All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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