i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
