Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
