I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
