i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
