i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
