I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
