There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
