At least make sure they are 18
Why
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
