My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
