i can't believe i had my finger in that
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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