I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
