Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
