How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
