I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
