That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
