and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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